The Art of Patience

This is going to sound totally weird to some, but I have to be completely honest: Even having lost over 50 pounds, most days when I look in the mirror, I haven't been able to say to myself, "Yes. I can tell such a huge difference in my body." In fact, had I not had a few "before" photos to refer back to, I wouldn't have been able to tell a difference in my body at all. Every once in awhile, I could pull on a top and think that I looked a little more svelte than I used to in it, but generally speaking, and especially naked, I just didn't see it.

Until now.

After months and months and months of working on myself, this morning when I looked in the mirror, I could actually see it. I stood naked in front of my mirror, and thought to myself, "There it is!" Finally. To be honest, I'm not even sure if there is that much of a difference from the last time I looked or if I am just seeing what I didn't see before, but I see it, for the first time ever.

In July of this year, I buckled down the hardest I have ever buckled down. I started tracking every bite. I became truly committed to this journey. I adopted the lifestyle. In August, I began running. At first, it was more walking than running, and little by little, I am running more and more. I am going distances that I NEVER thought I would be going. I got back to keeping up with my facebook page, and started coming back to blogging about my journey. I made all these changes to my world, and completely stuck by them day in and day out, without ever seeing for myself the changes that were happening to my body. I knew they were there. I saw "evidence" of them, but I just couldn't see them.

If I had given up, just because I couldn't see the changes happening, I would have never accomplished the things that I have accomplished. I wouldn't be down a full pants size. I wouldn't have improved my 5K time by over 11 minutes in a month's time. I wouldn't be out of the morbidly obese category with my BMI. I wouldn't have more energy to keep up with my daily tasks. I would still be in a deep depression, totally lost and wondering who I was, feeling completely exhausted, aching from stressing my joints, not moving in a direction that completely changed my life. I would be right back to being stuck, and miserable.

I hit a point in my journey that I decided, no matter what happens, no matter how slow, no matter how much that stupid scale fluctuations, regardless of whether I lose ten pounds a month or two pounds a month, I won't go back. It's fully impossible for me to continue to pursue a healthy lifestyle through healthy eating habits and exercise and continue to be obese for the rest of my life. At some point, at whatever pace is the one that my body needs, if I am honest with myself in saying that I am fully adhering to the proper decisions, I will lose the weight. And I am losing the weight. The changes will come. I just have to be patient.

This isn't The Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. This will take time... a lot of time. And I'm okay with that. I refuse to get caught in that same cycle that I have been in so many times of losing patience with my body, feeling like progress isn't happening, and giving up because I don't have the instant gratification that I try to convince myself that I need to continue. There is so much more to this journey than looking hot in a bathing suit. I just didn't know it when I first started it.

Slowly, surely, and decidedly, I am reaching my goals. I am starting to see the changes happening in my body. I feel better from the inside out. And no matter how long it takes, I'm going somewhere beautiful.