Open Letter To Naturally Thin People

Dear Naturally Thin People (Who Have Never Been Fat):

I know what you think when you see a fat person. I know when you see someone like me, you automatically think, "Good grief. Put down the twinkie, pick up the celery, lay off the soda, and do some aerobics. It's really not that hard." I know that I disgust you. I know that you assume me to be over-indulgent, lazy, and mindless when it comes to my diet, exercise, and general health. I know that you feel superior to me, and not just in the looks category, because I know that you think that if I lack self-control over my appearance and weight, that I also lack self-control in other aspects of my life. I know that you judge me. I know these things for two reasons.

First and foremost, I used to be you. I used to be the naturally thin girl. I used to look at people like me, and I used to think horrible things. And here's the thing: I was never mean to them. I never said what I thought, and I was totally ashamed of my thoughts. But I still thought them.

Secondly, you say them. I hear you. Now, some people shudder at that thought, because they are like I was. They had the thoughts, but never verbalized them. So, let me give you a recent real life example.

Last night, my husband and I went to see the last Harry Potter movie. It was a nearly sold out crowd, so there was no 'spacing' ourselves from other movie goers. When we went to grab our seats, I politely asked the guy that I sat next to if the seat was taken. He said no. Within seconds, he whispered something to his date, and was up to go grab popcorn.

When he returned from getting popcorn, he sat on the other side of his date, leaving the chair that he WAS sitting in beside me, empty. He then apparently spoke to his date, though I'm unsure what he said. She turned to him in response, and said, "I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to sit next to the fatty either. She's probably going to take up WAY more space than she should."

Ouch.

My thin friends, I'm here to tell you... I hear you. And while I think most of you mean no harm, I am certain that you just don't understand what it's like. So let me explain to you what it's like to be on this side of the fence, from someone who used to be on that side of the fence.

I hate myself. I mean, I love myself, but I loathe myself, too. It's complex. I work so hard to try to be what you are. However, the one thing that I don't think you really think about, is that the body that I'm in today is not necessarily reflective of the choices I'm making today. The body that I'm in today is reflective of the decisions that I've been making in the past. So, while you assume that I'm this size because I'm consistently choosing debbie cakes over vegetables, that isn't always the case.

As of today, I probably have made healthier food and exercise choices than you have. I have been maintaining a 1200-1550 calorie diet. I have been increasing my activity. I have turned down, or at the very least chosen a very small portion of cake because it wasn't on my 'plan' to indulge in a huge slice. I have parked at the back of the parking lot so I would have farther to walk to go into the store. I have done quite a bit of P90X. I have been working on me.

Unfortunately for all involved, my choices today are very slow and cumulative to begin showing up in a way that you, a random stranger, would be able to notice. You see, I have a lot of weight to lose. And in spite of working HARD to get to where you are, it just doesn't happen overnight. So when you see me in the store, at the movies, in the restaurant, at your friend's house, or wherever we may be together, you see a fat girl. You see a glimpse of one day out of my life. You don't see the girl I used to be, who was heavier than I am now. You don't see the behind-the-scenes work that I'm putting into myself. You don't see the person that I am six months from now, thinner than I was today. You see one tiny snapshot. That's it. And on the flip side, when you pass me and I'm a thin girl like you, you won't see the person I am today. You'll never know what it was like to feel the way I feel.

When you make assumptions about me, my personality, my character traits, and my lifestyle, based on one glimpse of the person that you see today, you are making a gross misjudgment. I can't put down the ice cream, pick up carrots and suddenly be 130 pounds. Trust me, I wish it were that easy. Please know that when you judge me, when you make harsh comments about me, when you give me the "Oh my GOD, is she really that fat?!" glance up and down when you walk past, you don't help me in my journey. It's painful, and I know what you're thinking. And you're wrong. You are SO wrong. I'm so much better than you give me credit for. And one day, my body will reflect that.

Unfortunately, not every stranger who judged me harshly will be able to see that progress. But it is my hope, that through this journey, I find ways to teach you that as the old saying goes, "You can't judge a book by its cover;" and you can never, ever, judge a person's lifestyle by his or her current weight.