So, about a year or so ago, I posted about how weight loss is making me bipolar. Guess what? It still is. Yesterday, I put on a size 18 top. I posted a photo of myself in it on my facebook page. I will attach it here, just in case anyone didn't see it.
So yeah. There it is. Size 18 (1X) top. I started in a size 24 (3X) top. I felt like a million bucks. I mean, look how tiny my waist looks, especially compared to where I came from!
Yeah. That's huge. I went from no waist/boob differential to tremendous waist/boob differential. There's clearly some massive progress being made here. I look at those photos and I can't believe that either one of them is actually me. Yay! I'm so excited!! I'm really doing it!
Until today.
Today, I got on the scale, and stared at a number that looked VERY similar to what I have been staring at for two weeks. In fact, I've lost somewhere around a pound and a half in a two week period. Now some would look at that, and say, "Hey! GREAT! You're making progress, and you're fitting into sizes that you should be proud of fitting into. You're seeing the scale move. Good for you!"
I'm here to tell you, when you're living it, it can be so incredibly frustrating.
When you step on the scale, you want to see that number move. You set goals based on what you think you can and should lose in a month. And you watch things like sodium, your monthly cycle (sorry guys - it plays a factor in our world), and other factors rob you from seeing the number move like it should. You try on a shirt that you think should fit by now, and it is still a little snug. *sigh*
You see, the problem is, when you're so close to the situation, you can't see the forest for the trees. The problem lies within the fact that each day, everything seems the same. Then one day, you put on a pair of jeans, and suddenly notice, they're huge! So you grab a top from your closet, and, imagine that, it fits!
The reason weight loss makes me feel bipolar is because in the day-to-day, the progress is small. I hardly notice any differences from yesterday to today, and from last week to this week. But when I take a step back, and look at the overall progress, I begin to notice changes that I didn't quite grasp before. Until today, and frankly, until I began writing this blog post and working through my feelings, I never quite understood how in the world I could feel disappointed and frustrated at the same time that I felt proud and accomplished. This is how.
It's important for me to keep in touch with my body daily and weekly. I like knowing what changes are happening, no matter how small. But I can't allow myself to get bogged down in the seemingly slow progress by basing my information solely on the daily and weekly weights and size checks. I have to take a moment and look back where I have come from. I have to pull out my size 24 jeans that I could barely zip. I have to look through old photos and see where I was. Even though I may not see a difference from yesterday to today, or from last week to this week, clearly progress is being made.
From one day to the next, on a regular basis, nothing seems to have changed.
And yet, reflecting back upon where I started, absolutely nothing has stayed the same.
For that, I am forever grateful.
I think weight loss is one of the hardest battles... I compare it to fighting a disease. It's even worse when you're fighting both, as I am. You are such an inspiration, it's blogs like this that give me hope that I WILL reach my goals, even though I am in the early stages of my journey and sometimes it seems like I will never get there. Thank you for having the courage to be so public with your battle. Good Luck!!!
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