Riding The High. Accepting The Low.

I shared that though I haven't been blogging, I have really been on track for about a month. What that looks like in actuality is I have tracked every bite that I have put in my mouth on My Fitness Pal, and have not exceeded my calorie goal for a total of twenty-one days, as of today.

I have three people who have complete access to my food diary and exercise log. I have an accountability partner (who happens to be the best friend anyone could ever ask for) who communicates with me throughout the day. We make sure that we are both working out, staying on track with food, and staying hydrated. We discuss everything from salt intake to cravings to emotions. You name it. Nothing is off-limits.

I am sore pretty much everywhere. I am doing exercise a minimum of four days per week. I am so completely proud of myself that there are almost no words.

It feels amazing.

And yet, just yesterday, I was standing in front of the mirror, and I said to the hubs, "I think my [flab] is getting worse instead of better. Ugh." And you know what? It is.

As I am losing, my body is in this weird "drooping" phase. The hubs says I look like the contestants when they are at the midpoint on The Biggest Loser. You know? When it looks like their entire body has fallen six inches? Yes. They're definitely thinner. But they look like they have been put in a room with an abnormal amount of gravitational pull. That's me right now. And truthfully, it's a little discouraging.

Don't misinterpret what I'm saying. I am SO THRILLED with the progress that I continue to make on this journey. It isn't an easy one, and I have taken a lot of missteps along the way. But it is so rewarding.

The frustration comes from the fact that I am definitely a bit of an instant gratification personality type, and I'm very hard on myself. So when I look in the mirror, and I see things getting worse before they get better, it's a little difficult to put on a brave face and remember that it's only temporary.

Unfortunately, this isn't something that I can make disappear. It's just something I have to come to terms with and get over. It is the realization that with the journey comes positive and negative side effects. My body is changing, but it isn't going to be perfect. And the creation of new "bulges" means that there is less fat filling those in and rounding those out.

I am getting thinner. I am getting healthier. I am a work in progress, and that means I have to accept the lows while riding the highs.