My Stupid Reflection

Sometimes, the weight loss journey is just easy. I wake up and feel rested. I get out of the bed easily. I move into my routine. I take my 398903243284 vitamins. I drink plenty of water. I eat healthily all day. I get plenty of fantastic exercise in. I go to bed at a decent hour. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. It's easy.

I'm in one of the easy cycles right now. My motivation is exactly where it needs to be. I'm cooking healthy foods and balanced meals. I'm exercising, and pushing myself in the right direction. Each and everyday that comes, I'm maintaining the right mentality to move myself into the direction of my goals.

I feel like a million dollars. Or at least I did, until....

I was walking through my bedroom, and my dresser has a large mirror on it. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I stopped - utterly stunned. Here I am, feeling totally motivated, and doing everything I should, and totally feeling lighter and thinner; and yet, my reflection...my stupid reflection...is still HUGE. There I was, looking back at myself, completely and utterly fat.

So. Discouraging.

So here's the thing: I know, I know, I know. "It takes time." and "You're getting healthier." and "You didn't get fat overnight. You're not going to get thin overnight." I know. And at the same time, all I hear with all that stuff is "blah blah blah" and such. On one level, I'm fully aware that I'm still fat. I mean, good lord, I've still got over a hundred pounds to lose - of course I'm still huge. But, not to go all Disney on everyone, but.... Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside?!

I've said it before, and I stand by the fact that, my body is not a reflection of the decisions I made today, but is reflective of the cumulative decisions I've made over the past eleven years. It sucks. But, by the same token, the cumulative decisions that I make over the next year will be reflected in my body a year from today. See? I told you I knew. :)

However, all of these things just don't change how frustrating it is to see my stupid reflection today. It's utterly frustrating to know the hard work that I've put forth recently, to feel so fantastic about myself and my progress, to notice changes in the way my clothes fit, and then to walk past a mirror and catch a glimpse of myself and to be stunned at just how far I still have to go.

I've gotta be honest - it really does leave me wondering how long I will loathe and feel betrayed by my stupid reflection. I've lost nearly twenty pounds. I truly can't imagine how much I will have to have lost before I walk past a mirror, and stop, and think to myself, "Damn. I'm looking AWESOME!"

I'll be sure to let everyone know when I hit that point - at whatever weight that may be. Today is definitely not that day, and this particular weight is definitely not that weight.

Stupid reflection...