Excuse me, sir... Is my self-doubt showing?

My Two Oldest - Summer 2011
Photographed by Me

I confess.... I'm a people pleaser. I thrive on the approvals of others. I want people to be jumping for joy. I want to inspire people. I want to motivate people. I want to excite people. I want people to step away from something I've shared feeling like they're not alone. I want to relate to people in a way that leaves them feeling as though I'm someone they've known for years.

Granted, my posts are not summer and sunshine and rainbows. I do share about the real life emotions that fall within this world of weight loss. It's not all wonderful, but I try to share in such a way that my struggles are relatable, at the very least. So when I get negative comments, or people say they don't get it or that I've offended them, I'm genuinely taken aback.

Being the people pleaser that I am, I want to chase down each of the offended parties, and explain myself to them. I want to assure them that I meant no harm. I want to justify my underlying intent to them and make certain that they are aware that the interpretation of what I posted wasn't as they took it to be. The thought that something that I have shared has left someone put off is horrifying to me. I can't put into words how much that it weighs on me.

The practicality of actually validating each of my words with every individual who happens to have a differing opinion on them is questionable, at best. I realize this on an intellectual level, but emotionally, I'm dying inside knowing that there is someone out there who thinks ill of me or something I've said. Should I allow it to get to me? Absolutely not. I can't possibly make everyone happy. Do I allow it to get to me? Yeah. I do.

So what to do? Well, this is the solution I've come up with: I'm going to continue sharing my journals about my journey, as promised, good, bad and ugly. Basically, I'm not going anywhere, and I won't censor myself for anyone. That's that. I'm going to ATTEMPT to not allow differing opinions and negative comments to bring me down. If I can manage to deal with negative criticisms of my blog in a healthy way, then I will be empowered to deal with the daily stresses of life and continue to lose weight, right??

At least... that's the plan anyway....