Day One: Launch

Oh God. Here we go. Again.

Life As The Fat Friend Blog: Take One.
My Attempt At Blogging/Losing Weight/Journaling: Take...Who the hell knows anymore?

Breathe In. Breathe Out. Repeat.

It's a bit insane. As of right now, I have zero followers. And I intend to keep it that way, really. Well, obviously I want followers...just not my family and friends (with the exception of my husband). Don't get me wrong. My family and friends are GREAT. In fact, they're almost too great. So, I feel this self-induced pressure to be amazing at all times for them. I'm not. I fail. A lot. And they know I do, because, well, I'm not getting thinner, but heavier instead. But here's what happens: I have an off day. I whine. I get down about being fat, or eating something I shouldn't have or this whole weight loss journey in general, and I get this barrage of  "Don't allow yourself to go there." comments. 

They mean well. They really do. I understand that there is this whole "maintain a positive outlook" mentality out there. But I NEED to allow myself to go there. I need to express the negatives along with the positives, and there are plenty of both. I feel like amongst the people who love me, I'm not allowed to be REAL about this whole thing. Now, does this mean that I am planning to be all "woe is me" and "life is horrible" all the time? Umm, NO. But I needed a place that I felt like I COULD be negative if I need to be.

Hence this blog.

I started another SparkPeople page today. Yes. I said another. I have had a mostly inactive profile over there for...well... several years now. Why not pick up the old one? That's for two reasons. 1-See paragraph above about not being able to be real. 2-I feel like such a mega failure for having a profile for so long and being not only thinner yet, but now I am a solid 40 pounds heavier than I was when I first started way back when. ::sigh::

Day One. Again. Here are the stats.

Height: 5'8
Start Weight: (Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.) 291
BMI: 44.2
First Goal Weight: 280
First Goal BMI: 42.6
Date of First Goal: July 31, 2011


July's Daily Goals:

Track all food. Period.
Base of 15 Minutes of Exercise
8 Glasses of Water

July's Weekly Goals:

60 Minutes of Family Activity
Make One New Healthy Recipe
Journal Three Times

July's Monthly Goals:

Buy a pedometer.
Tell one person about this journey.

Here we go. In 5...4...3...2.....