Defeating Fear of Failure: Making It Public

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

I can do this.

As part of my tremendous fear of failure, I have been keeping this blog, and this journey, a bit of a secret. The blog has been out there for anyone to follow, but I haven't shared it or my new leg of my weight loss journey with any of my friends or family. There are a couple excuses that I've been using to justify that decision in my mind, but the bottom line is: I'm afraid of failing, and showcasing that utter failure, to all of those who love me. If I don't tell them what I'm doing, then they won't know if I completely bomb.

After two months of consistent losses, and continuing this journey in spite of my insanely hectic life, I have finally decided to suck it up, look at my fear of failure in the face, and do what I've been avoiding: make this journey and this blog public. This "coming out" with my journey is truly is a terrifying premise, as I've started and failed so many times and I can't put into words how much it defeats me to have to admit that. Then to turn around and declare that once again, I'm "back on track" and doing the weight loss journey and blog...well, I personally struggle with the assumption that people automatically roll their eyes and think, "Here we go again. I wonder how long the weight loss thing will last THIS time??" I'm fully aware that this is a problem with me and my internal monologue rather than what is most likely actually going on with my loved ones. The intellectual knowledge of that most likely being in my mind rather than an actuality doesn't always keep it at bay when it comes to my emotions.

So, with all that being said, there will be a lot of making things public this week. First and foremost, this blog and journey will be brought to the forefront, and I will no longer be hiding this part of my life. That also means that my exact weight will be posted for all those that I know and love to see, in black and white. Just the thought of that is completely mortifying.

I will also no longer be hiding under the cloak of anonymity on this blog. I will be posting photographs of myself, including my first set of extremely unflattering, showing every single inch of full body bulges and no makeup progress photos. I can't tell you what a big deal that is. Have I mentioned that I'm truly terrified yet?

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

I can do this. I think. No...not I think. I can so do this.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.